How to learn forgiveness is a major step in our overall growth as a human being. We just need to look to our pets to observe unconditional love and willingness to forgive.
Forgiveness of ourselves and others is a vital part of living a fully actualized life. We cannot afford the heavy burden of anger, guilt, and resentment.
How To Learn Forgiveness with a Little Bit of Love
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
There are many misconceptions about forgiveness. It is not about being right and forgiving someone who is thought to be wrong.
Also, it is not about joining others in the victim role and agreeing that we are both wrong and don’t deserve forgiveness. Lastly, it is not bargaining with others by indicating we will forgive if we receive this or that.
It is about understanding why we should forgive as it benefits us so much. We must forgive ourselves for our very own misperceptions rather than judging others. Any grievances that anyone may have caused have harmed them more by their lack of awareness.
When we take responsibility for “everything” in our lives, regardless of understanding why we should, we are positioned to express true forgiveness. Forgiving others is the same as forgiving ourselves.
Once we gain clarity that what we experience is merely a reflection of our inner makeup of beliefs generating our thoughts and feelings, we can truly understand that forgiving others is forgiving ourselves.
Unconditional love avoids all the detours and roadblocks to forgiveness. When we love ourselves we can love others as well.
Tips on Forgiving Ourselves and Others
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
- Understanding the Importance of Forgiveness — if we really realize forgiveness’s transformative power, we would not delay. As our awareness increases, we will embrace forgiveness as we remember Who we really Are. All of our anger and resentment is just a reflection of our fear which we project outside of ourselves to avoid responsibility.
- Empathize with Ourselves and Others — when we show empathy, we connect with the part of ourselves that only expresses unconditional love. It is then easy to allow ourselves and others to make mistakes without judging and criticizing.
- Remain Present — when we spend more time in the present moment by remembering to ask ourselves, “Am I present Now?”, we avoid the fear, worry, and doubt that occurs from focusing on the past and future.
- Remembering the Truth — we often forget or are unaware of our perfection “within” when we are perceiving our own and others’ mistakes. As our awareness increases, we can make corrections as needed and not focus on the past so that the future becomes a reflection of our more enlightened mindset.
- Letting Go — not holding on to grudges and resentment releases much stress and anxiety from us and opens us up to be willing to forgive.
- Practice — each day merely reminding ourselves to forgive and express kindness and love builds the foundation of a new paradigm of healing and joy.
- Patience — the intention to forgive regardless of any resistance is the beginning step and most important. Reflect on past instances of forgiving or being forgiven to understand the miracles that forgiveness brings.
How To Learn Forgiveness When Resistance is High
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Many past hurts sustained through painful experiences are not that easy to let go. That is why compassion toward ourselves and others is required, as well as increasing our awareness of how damaging it is to hold anger and resentment.
Until we truly understand this we will resist forgiving. We think that the other person does not deserve it, but the first question to ask is “Do I deserve it?”
If the answer is “no”, then the work starts there. If the answer is “yes”, then we need to realize that it is impossible to forgive ourselves without forgiving others.
When resistance occurs in any area of our lives it is a sign that there is something we are denying and do not want to face. We feel trapped emotionally, and the preferred choice is to do nothing.
On the other hand, when used as a signpost for growth, we can discover the underlying beliefs behind the resistance and choose to let them go. We have then set the groundwork to discover the truth about ourselves.
Dealing with Resistance in Creative Ways
“The more important a call to action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel about answering it. But to yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be.”
- Acknowledge What Is — being consciously aware of what is going on is a step in the right direction. It is not accepting that things have to stay this way, but merely bringing things to the surface so they can be dealt with. Quite often, with all the cards on the table, we clearly see what we feared was just an illusion that we bought into. It’s okay to feel however we may feel. The point is not to get stuck and stay there.
- Make a Decision — no matter how crazy things get we never lose our power of decision. We can decide right this moment to let go of thoughts and emotions that don’t serve us by discovering and changing our limiting beliefs. Granted, it does take some work and persistence, but it is only the redirection of the energy we are already expressing into channels that serve us.
- Define Our Purpose/Goal — gain clarity on exactly what we desire and fuel that desire with a new paradigm of beliefs that will generate the thoughts and emotions that are supportive and that will get us there.
- Take a Break — take some time to relax and participate in enjoyable activities. Spending time in nature is advisable.
- Acknowledge Our Self-Worth — this empowers us to live our truth by thinking and acting authentically.
- Be Grateful for the Resistance — be grateful that we are on our personal journey to greatness and that the resistance is helping by exposing our limiting beliefs.
How To Learn Forgiveness Now, Not Later
“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.”
Once we realize the importance of forgiveness we will not delay one moment. What awaits us is so magnificent that it cannot be imagined; only experienced.
Understanding that everything is either an expression of love or a request for love, paves the way to forgiveness. The most whacked-out actions are still based on a deep inner yearning to be loved.
When we can forgive ourselves for all the simple mistakes we have made no matter how large or small, we can then begin to feel empathy toward others as well. Forgive give them for “they know not what they do”.
Let’s open our hearts and let go of all the fear and anger that motivates us to attack rather than to forgive. When this occurs others benefit not only by our forgiveness but by the light shining within ourselves and radiating to all.
In Peace & Love Within the Light,
Joseph William
“How To Learn Forgiveness” by Joseph William is a profound journey into the power of forgiveness as not just a personal healing practice but also a vital step in spiritual evolution. It guides readers to develop empathy, stay grounded in the present moment, and let go of emotional weight, all of which are crucial for embracing forgiveness authentically. By blending practical guidance with deep spiritual wisdom, the article serves as a valuable compass for anyone navigating the intricate path towards forgiveness, offering insights that resonate beyond mere psychological relief into profound personal and spiritual growth.
Thanks so much for your thoughts and insights, S.J. Very much appreciated.
Hi Joseph, you have explained forgiveness brilliantly in this post.
I love what you said about pets giving unconditional love at the start of this article. I’ve heard it said that dog is GOD spelt backwards and that makes perfect sense to me because they are capable of agape love.
I also love that you added a Marianne Williamson quote because her book, “A Return to Love” is based on another book, “A Course in Miracles” – this is the book that taught me how to forgive… actually, I’ll go further and say this, A Course in Miracles taught me that there is nothing to forgive.
Lesson 134 in A Course in Miracles, and the focus is on practicing true forgiveness using these two statements:
“Let me perceive forgiveness as it is. Would I accuse myself of doing this? I will not lay this chain upon myself.”
And “No one is crucified alone, and yet no one can enter Heaven by himself.”
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and comments, Lauren. Very much appreciated. Best, Joseph
This is just beautiful!!! You are very right if we would all just learn what forgiveness really means maybe there would be a lot less hate and hurt in the world. People forget that we all make mistakes and that’s how we learn and people shouldn’t be judged and ridiculed for that. We are all human on a journey to improve our lives and to make a difference in others, people are usually their own worst critics and should learn from that how much judgment hurts, if they learn to look within themselves to see the good they have to offer maybe then they’ll find the courage and compassion to truly forgive others for their shortcomings and help them overcome them.
Thanks so very much, Kimberley for your thoughts and insights. They are very much appreciated. all the very Best, Joseph
This article on forgiveness resonates deeply with me, especially the idea that forgiving others is inherently linked to forgiving ourselves. I’ve often struggled with holding onto resentment, thinking that if I forgive, I’m somehow validating the wrongs done to me. However, the insights here about how forgiveness is more about freeing ourselves from the emotional weight and not necessarily about the other person have given me a new perspective. The notion that our grievances harm us more than the offender due to their lack of awareness struck a chord. It’s a powerful reminder that taking responsibility for our own reactions and perceptions can lead to profound personal and spiritual growth.
I also appreciate the practical tips on how to approach forgiveness, particularly the emphasis on staying present and letting go of past grudges. It’s so easy to get caught up in the past or worry about the future, but by grounding ourselves in the present moment, we can avoid much of the fear and doubt that hinders forgiveness. The idea of practicing empathy and recognizing our own inner perfection is incredibly empowering. It aligns with my journey towards self-compassion and understanding that everyone, including myself, is deserving of forgiveness. This article has inspired me to be more mindful of my thoughts and emotions and to actively practice forgiveness as a path to healing and peace.
Beautifully expressed, Catherine. Thank you so very much. Joseph
Forgiving someone is pretty hard to do, when that person is a narcissist or sociopath. Then I would rather distance myself from this person. I understand that forgiving someone is rather good for your own soul, but I don’t think I can as long as I still see or meet this person, the anger then just comes back. When someone did really something bad to you, this is almost impossible, but thank you for the insights and I will try!
Thanks so much Lizzy for sharing this. It is definitely good to distance yourself from negative influences whatever or whoever they are. The point about forgiveness is that it relieves ourselves of the burden of carrying this around. We are actually doing ourselves a disservice. It’s like wanting to throw a hot rock at someone and it is us that gets burned. We all get triggered by many things in life and it’s all about becoming aware that what gets triggered is within ourselves. This is all a process and it all begins with loving ourselves. I appreciate your thoughts and comments. Joseph