When asked how to improve a relationship, it should be no surprise that the improvement starts with us. Without taking responsibility for our part in a relationship it has zero chance to improve and grow.
A friend many years ago was going through his second divorce. He came by my office in San Franciso and we discussed his situation when he suddenly said: “Joe, there are three sides to any story; his, hers, and the truth.” Bingo!
How to Improve A Relationship — Taking a Look in the Mirror
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
To create the right foundation from the start let’s take some responsibility for our part in any relationship we have. When we do that we will see somewhat of a recurring theme that permeates all of our relationships whether personal or business.
That person in the mirror is the constant factor in all our relationships. How to improve a relationship starts with us.
As we accept our part in the relationship and all the stuff we bring to it, we can sympathize and be more compassionate with others. This is beyond the blame game and is all about treating each person as a valued member of our team.
When we can trust ourselves we can then develop genuine trust with others. Our self-honesty enables us to transcend our fear, doubt, and uncertainty.
We do not feel the need to defend ourselves so we can be open and vulnerable in our interactions. We have developed enough inner strength to live an authentic life.
We All Have Similar Needs
“Unity is strength… when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.”
At some point, we all experience a most interesting revelation. It is the exact opposite of everything we have been taught and conditioned to believe.
Before our worldly conditioning set in, we were naturally aware of this before the age of three (3). We were immersed in the oneness and unity of life.
As we awaken from our nap, we experience a sudden realization:
When we view others we are actually seeing another version of ourselves.
The differences drop away, along with the judgment, and we recognize the sameness. Our unity and oneness is all about expressing love and joy.
True compassion is now possible as we view all expressions from others as either love or asking for love no matter how weird that form may take. We are in the same boat as teachers and students of each other.
How to Improve A Relationship by Increasing Awareness
“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
The challenge we each have is that we do not know ourselves. We may think we do but which self is it that we know?
Our ego-based self stands out because of all our past conditioning. When two (2) ego-based selves enter a relationship it is to get and not to share regardless of surface appearances.
Once we get familiar with our real Self things change quite a bit. We no longer are concerned about getting but our focus is on sharing. This kind of enlightened relationship is centered on unconditional love and a common purpose.
As our awareness continues to increase we express more and more of our authenticity. This allows us to have a “shared purpose” in our relationship based on supporting each other’s growth.
Observing ourselves honestly is the best way to increase our awareness. We then at some point realize that Who We Are is this observer and not our ego-based personality. When this occurs we have entered a new path and there is no turning back.
Now let’s discuss a few practical things we can do on a daily basis to increase our awareness while improving our relationships.
Ways to Improve Our Relationships by Being Aware
“Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.”
- Relax — when we are in a relaxed state we don’t take life so seriously. We can observe things from a much broader and higher perspective. We are not caught up in the net of our thoughts and emotions. We are free of our biased opinions long enough to see things from the other person’s view. This is a major step in improving any relationship.
- Respect — this is about respecting ourselves enough to respect others and honor their feelings and boundaries. Kindness goes a long way.
- Lose the Blame Game — it is so easy to see the faults of any interactions originating outside of ourselves. This is “upside-down” thinking that leads us nowhere because it keeps us imprisoned within the illusion of being a victim. When we allow for another’s perspective we are able to find appropriate solutions.
- Be Supportive — the world may seem to revolve around our ego-based selves but an honest appraisal of our lives will reveal a much different reality. Compassion, kindness, and empathy go a long way in creating harmonious relationships.
- Trust — when we are supporting and compassionate we develop a strong level of trust that is the glue of solidifying any relationship. We are someone who can be relied upon regardless of the circumstances.
- Quality Time — each moment is precious and needs to be appreciated. No matter what is occurring we have the opportunity to stay present in the moment and create a quality atmosphere. This can be on an outing or staying home creating a wonderful meal together.
- Express Appreciation — many times we are grateful for what others do for us but fail to let them know. Compliments are special acts of kindness that mean more to a person than we can ever imagine.
- Show Some Affection — our life partner deserves all the affection through our heart-felt generosity that can be expressed through loving hugs, gifts, or meaningful words.
- Allow the Relationship to Evolve — exploring new things keeps the spark alive whether it’s a new hobby, traveling, or checking out a new restaurant.
- Seek Help as Needed — whether this is through professional counseling or speaking to a trusted friend or family member, reach out when necessary.
- Communication — this quite often is at the top of the list of improving relationships but without creating a strong foundation with these other factors communication will be merely a rehash of old memories and previous hurts. When we have developed and maintained trust and appreciation we are then willing to be vulnerable enough to communicate with each other meaningfully.
These ideas will assist in developing the type of awareness needed to improve any relationship whether in business or our personal lives.
How to Improve A Relationship and Maintain Harmony
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
There will always be challenges that arise no matter how much we improve our relationships. There are a few things to keep in mind daily to maintain and increase harmony and peace.
Each day is a gift not to be taken for granted. Gratitude will fuel our day and keep us in a harmonious state of mind.
When we are truly grateful we want to share our joy with others. Each relationship becomes an opportunity to share our happiness and joy by inspiring others to look beyond their challenges and enjoy the moment here and now.
A smile, a word of encouragement, or just being present with another can be exactly what that person needs and the very foundation of how to improve a relationship. Our very presence provides peace and harmony.
How to improve a relationship becomes a very simple process when we are aligned with our true Selves. As we observe ourselves on a daily basis we make the corrections necessary to maintain our harmony.
The quality of our relationships is a function of our very own inner peace and harmony. It is our responsibility to maintain that state so that we bring value to each relationship of which are honored to be part.
Peace & Love Within the Light,
Joseph William
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I have known my husband for 41 years, and it took me a long time to learn that if I could see something wrong, I was probably causing it. If you have nothing to learn, then you do not see or notice the offending behavior in your partner. A great tip you have included Joseph: don’t play the blame game. It is so easy to do and we both wasted about ten years before we fully observed that pattern. My husband once asked me, “Do you Love me?” Of course, I replied yes. Then he said why are you trying to change me. I never forgot those words.
It also took a while to get clear and honest communication; you can have an ulterior motive as long as you are upfront about it
Thanks, Catherine, for your tremendous insights. It’s so easy to judge and blame based on our default patterns from past programming and conditioning. It’s heartwarming to hear how your relationship with your husband has evolved. All the very best, Joseph