How to build trust in relationship is a rather interesting subject which I have researched for many years, and have learned from the many mistakes I have made both in business and in my personal life. My work in human services and the mental health field expanded my understanding of what a great responsibility we have in every relationship, no matter how casual it may be.
Relationships are a wonderful vehicle for understanding ourselves better, as our strengths and weaknesses are vividly on display. There is no hiding from how we are feeling about ourselves and others. Should we choose to ignore or repress those feelings, we merely delay their appearance at another time with increased built up tension.
What is a Relationship?
“You’ve got to be in a bad relationship to really understand what a great one is.”
— Steve Harvey —
A relationship by standard definition is a way of being connected. Whether this is in business or our personal lives, there are a few key ingredients which go into making this work effectively.
Needless to say, we all want to feel we are benefiting from being in any relationship of which we are engaged. In order to do so, it is paramount to have as our purpose a win-win situation where the other person not only benefits, but we actually feel good about them doing well.
A relationship’s main purpose is to recognize that we can not truly be happy if we feel like we are competing against the other person. This person is actually a mirror of ourselves, so it becomes very evident how we think and feel about ourselves. When we are disrespectful to others, we are being disrespectful to ourselves because of our low level of self-worth. Recognizing this is a good thing as we can now move forward with a greater awareness, and position ourselves to make any beneficial changes in our perception of ourselves and others.
So let’s just say that what we perceive in another, is a projection of what we perceive within ourselves. That being the case, we eventually come to realize that there is nothing “to get” within a relationship, and it’s all about what we can “share and give” which adds substance to the relationship.
Some Key Components to Building Trust
As is evident from what I mentioned above, there is no way we are going to develop a loving personal relationship or an effective business relationship, when our primary purpose is merely focused on how much we can get, without considering what we can give. When do this it is to either compensate for our lack of self-worth, or to benefit ourselves financially without proper consideration of how we can best serve or bring value to the relationship. This may work for the short term, but it will eventually be recognized for what it is, and any bond which had created will simply dissolve.
In order to build trust in any type of relationship it is essential to be authentic so that you can be yourselves, as well as celebrate your differences. Part of being authentic is to be congruent in how we think, feel, and act. This can get a little tricky, as it requires us to open up and be vulnerable. This is such a valuable lesson to learn, but at the same time it can create some fear and resistance.
It is not the easiest thing to open our hearts within the uncertainty of the situation. This can only be done by letting go of having things be a certain way, and instead be open to whatever occurs. This not only builds our inner strength and presence, but also creates the atmosphere for building the trust which will be the foundation of any relationship we choose to enter.
In this sense, getting uncomfortable is a good thing as we embrace life fully, and learn that no one has the power to hurt us in any way. Any uncomfortable feelings have been generated by our very own beliefs, fears, guilt, and perceptions. When we truly realize this, we have positioned ourselves in a way where we not only feel good about ourselves, but we then can be of genuine benefit and service to others.
Any relationship built on trust has the potential to create tremendous value in the lives of many people. It becomes a snowball effect, as the members of the relationship go on to influence others in a positive way. There is no way to know how many people we can affect just by our very presence.
Increase of Life
When we are focused on building trust in our relationships things get a lot easier. We put people at ease, where they are not defensive and worried about being taken advantage. They not only observe this, but actually feel our authentic presence, and are then willing to be more open and share.
When our intention is to bring increase of life to others, it is only a matter of time before trust is developed. Whether it is a personal or business relationship does not matter. The same values and attributes are involved.
Increase in others’ lives brings increase to ourselves naturally and automatically. There are no hidden agendas to try to get things to work out the way that we want them. Instead, we are so focused on bringing value and increase to others, that our benefit becomes a natural process. In fact, we have let go of having “to get”, that we often do not even notice all the good things that are attracted our way.
Building trust in our relationships has the residual effect of increasing trust in ourselves. We no longer doubt our abilities, and we truly understand that to advance in life we must be engaged and play full out. Fear of failure or success becomes a thing of the past. We are able, and even eager to, embrace uncertainty as we understand it for what it really is, and the gifts it contains. It is a treasure cove of opportunity and advancement.
Once we realize that the only way to get to the certainty which we desire is by accepting the uncertainty, we have opened up many avenues for ourselves from which to choose. All successful folks not only are willing to do what others avoid or refuse to do, but they move forward not knowing initially exactly what to do or how things will turn out. In other words, they figure things out as they progress.
This is all about bringing increase to ourselves and others, and thereby being of true value. When people receive increase and recognize from where it originates, trust in a relationship is a given.
The Importance of Trust
Being the foundation of any relationship, trust signifies that we have created the ideal atmosphere in which we are able to relax knowing that all parties are in this together with the emphasis on helping each other grow and expand. In this type of relationship communication flows freely.
Now we are able to trust our own judgments as well as those of others within the relationship. Whether the relationship is with oneself, another person, or a group, the same basic issues and foundational principles remain the same. We can only feel secure when this type of trust is in place.
In a personal relationship trust is the foundation of love. Without trust, we may utter the word (love), but there is no substance to it. We are merely saying the word to get what we think we want, when what we really want is authenticity, honesty, and the trust which creates an atmosphere for love to flourish.
When trust isn’t there we know and can feel it. We can use all the reason and logic we want, but it won’t eliminate what our instinct and intuition is revealing to us. Another sign of lack of trust is when we find it difficult to be ourselves in a relationship, and we become suspicious and less willing to let down our guard.
That is no way to live whether we are in a relationship or not. It all begins with trusting ourselves enough to not settle for less that one hundred (100%) percent commitment from our personal or business partner. Of course, we will also be committing one hundred (100%) percent as well.
The signs of a relationship built on trust are being comfortable, confident, feeling good, not avoiding conflict resolution, enjoying family and friends together, able to acknowledge and admit mistakes, actively listening to each other, maintaining eye contact, being open in conversation and not hesitating to share, and making care and consideration for each other a priority.
These are just some of the factors we will notice in our relationships. And of course, in a love relationship we will discover increased intimacy with our partner, which will occur naturally and not be forced. Hugging, holding hands, and overall kindness and gentleness will be the norm.
Trust is developed over time and is earned by all parties concerned. There is no way we can force or demand it to occur, but by being aware and actively spending time with the intention of being a trustful person, and thereby acting as our authentic selves, we will find that trust becomes the foundation of all of our relationships.
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
May all your relationships be built on the trust you create and cherish.
All the very Best,
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