Creative Parenting

Creative parenting is an essential skill to possess in our ever-changing world filled with confusion and uncertainty. Even though no guidebook magically appears when a child arrives on the scene, there are a few essential strategies that can make life a lot easier for both parents and child alike.

Several years ago when I was actively working in mental health and education I had a blog where I wrote quite a bit about creatively managing child behavior. I decided to create a parenting category on this blog and share a few ideas from many years of working with kids in a variety of settings.

Creative Parenting — Allowing Our Child to Blossom

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

— Johann Wolfgang von Gethe —

Each child is a unique being possessing their very own strengths, abilities, talents, and weaknesses. At an early age, they are greatly influenced by their surroundings at home, at school, and in the community.

Although genetics plays a part, their surroundings greatly affect what gets triggered and expressed. A child’s values are greatly affected by their environment.

In developing those values positive mentoring and the space and freedom to express their uniqueness is critical to their overall development. They need to be guided rather than indoctrinated.

Haim Ginott, a child psychologist, had this to say: “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.”

Within that freedom and space to grow and thrive it is also essential to create limits and boundaries that are applied consistently.

When faced with challenging behavior, a parent needs to distinguish between the child and the behavior. The child is a perfect spiritual being while their behavior is what needs to be corrected.

Our love for our child remains consistent while we support our child with limits and accountability. This leads to a win-win scenario.

Being Clear on Our Desired Outcome

In the day-to-day hustle and bustle of all the varied activities taking place, it is easy to forget that our children are going to make mistakes and we desire to use those mistakes to not punish but to correct them in creative and productive ways.

The 20th-century Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology, Carl Gustav Jung, wrote a book called “Symbols of Transformation”. In that book, he writes about the process of “enantiodromia”, which is the process of converting something into its opposite. This happens unconsciously over time.

When we are not clear on our desired outcome we tend to force the issue and over time the resistance that builds creates the opposite effect to what we originally desired. This is where honest communication is vital.

We love our child and want the best so this requires us to see the child’s perfection while confidently holding firm to our boundaries and limits so that we instill a positive pattern of compliance over time. Even though there will be resistance and even acting out at times, a child respects us more when we consistently hold them accountable.

A child will more frequently comply when asked in a positive manner rather than a demand. For example, rather than saying, “You should stop that or get consequences”, say “You might stop yelling if you don’t want the consequences”.

This is a subtle difference but “might” is something more acceptable to a child than “should”, and they are more motivated to comply. We can then connect with our child at a higher vibrational level.

Creative Parenting — It’s All About Communication

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

— Frederick Douglass —

As mentioned above, changing a word or two here and there when speaking to our children can make a world of difference. Using communication techniques that strike a chord with our child motivates the child to willingly comply rather than feeling forced to comply.

For example, asking a child why they “always” do something is an immediate turn-off and breeds resistance. No matter the behavior, they don’t always do it.

A more ideal option is to say something like, “I often experience you …” or “I sometimes hear you…”. Just fill in the blank with the behavior or language used.

A Few Ideas to Consider

• separate the child from the behavior
• Be the person that we desire our child to Be
• be non-judgmental
• vary tone of voice depending on the situation
• always consider the setting
• develop patience and resilience
• a good sense of humor goes a long way
• allow our child to express their thoughts and feelings regardless if we agree or not
• be the calm within the storm
• become aware of our child’s weaknesses and strengths
• take our own time-outs when needed
• remember safety first
• be compassionate with our child as well as with ourselves
• consistency is paramount in holding our kids accountable
• anticipate resistance and escalation in behaviors when instituting change
• reward successes
• do all of this with unconditional love

Keeping in mind these ideas and strategies will create a Tool Belt of Success that will empower us to be the positive role models our children most desperately need and deserve.

Creative Parenting — Managing Behavior with Tender Loving Care

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.”

— Jane D. Hull —

Warmth, empathy, and understanding are the foundation of a strong relationship between parents and children. Open communication, affection, and positive reinforcement allow us to create a strong bond with our children.

When we nurture our child’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being in positive ways we are able to more effectively address any behavior concerns. Kids pick up quickly whether we are being genuine or not.

When we model the behavior that we desire from our children they can see we are being real and not just all talk. This solidifies the relationship and builds trust.

Holding children accountable in a firm but loving and considerate way shows the child that we really care. Enabling a child’s behavior to avoid a confrontation is the easiest way to lose their respect.

This can be challenging if we have a habit of giving in to a child’s demands, so if necessary seeking assistance from family, friends, or professionals can make a positive difference.

Parenting with love has numerous benefits as it enables us to share from our hearts while also holding firm to limits and boundaries. Kids won’t admit it but they do desire these boundaries as it allows them to feel safe and loved.

I look forward that we all do our very best to be the type of role model that encourages our children to thrive and grow. We are all here for a purpose and helping our kids discover theirs is a magnificent feeling and much for which to be grateful.

In Peace and Love,

Joseph William

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